MY TRIUMPHANT RETURN!

Is what Britney Spears would be talking about if

Wait, I can't work like this - why does the SAVE NOW bar get longer as I type? Wait, it stopped growing - maybe it reached maturity. I'm confused.

Anyway, MY TRIUMPHANT RETURN is what Britney Spears would be talking about if, uh, she had done the opposite of whatever she did at the Video Music Awards last night. As much as I'd like to believe she was stoned out of her gourd, my money's on either (1) nervous - apparently too nervous to even lip-sync correctly, or (2) a spoiled diva who refused to rehearse because [HER] TRIUMPHANT RETURN was preordained. It was a trainwreck, y'all. Such a trainwreck that I'm going to break my videoblogging hymen* and put a YouTube link here.

This blog argues that, NO, THE WHOLE SHOW IS OUT OF ORDER! ("Your honor!" "Chambers, Mr. Elliot!")
Also, why wasn’t Fergie there? You know your awards show is in trouble when a woman who will basically show up at an opening of a KFC to sing “Fergalicious” is too busy to swing by and pick up her Female Artist of the Year award. Maybe my friends and I should have taken a page from her book and blown it off as well.


*Unless I posted a video while riding a horse as a young blogger.

5 comments:

towwas said...

My money's on nervous, tired, bloated, hung over, depressed, and perhaps also in the midst of realizing that she'd made a very, very, very bad wardrobe choice.

I Blog, You Blog said...

I think my favorite parts of that performance were the random people from the audience spliced in with the total "uh...huh?" looks on their faces.

Wow. I'd heard it was atrocious, but I hadn't seen it. Thanks for the confirmation, J.Bro!

J.Po said...

Dude. Way to post. I couldn't find it on YouTube last night, and I figured it had been pulled. Apparently not.

I actually feel really really sorry for her. I realize she dug herself into this mess, but man. Her life sux.

Sophist said...

uuufffda, that is pretty dire. I'm glad that your return is more triumphant than Britney's. yeah I feel pretty bad for that girl. I'm sure millions of girls wished that they could be her about 5 years ago, and that number has dwindled to zero. ouch!

J.Bro said...

I think Sophist made a mistake - I'm not blogging again. Still on hiatus.