Two necrophiliacs were sitting and talking.
The first one says, "Hey, so, how are things going with that girl you've been seeing?"
To which the other replies, "Things were going great, until the bitch split on me."
A woman is giving birth in a maternity ward. When the child is born, the doctor says, "Congratulations! It's a boy!"
He then, after shifting the child to his right arm, throws it against the wall with great force. He picks it up off the ground, and starts dribbling it like a soccer ball using his knees, and then gives it a swift kick out the door, where it slams into the wall outside of the room. He picks up the now deteriorated-looking body of the child, cradles it like a football, and runs down the hall, checking it into walls as he goes.
The woman at this point is in hysterics and wrenches herself out of the stirrups and off of the bed and runs into the hall, just in time to see the doctor slam-dunk the bloodied corpse of the child into a waste bin and doing a victory dance.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" the woman screams. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO MY CHILD?!?!"
"Ahh, I'm just joking with you," the doctor says. "It was born dead."
Q: How do you know when to change the baby?
A: When the dog eats all the meat off the old one.