American Idol?!? Eeeeeeeeee!

I'm so excited that there's a new season of American Idol on TV - not because I enjoy watching the bad auditions, or because I enjoy the singing of the not-quite-as-bad finalists, or because I would ever buy an album by the winner, but because it means the return of Television Without Pity's AI recaps! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Honestly, I only watch the show so that I can read the recaps without feeling lost.

Here's a little taste of this week's _27 page_ recap to whet your appetite -
Seacrest asks the awful, soul-killing question: Which of these contestants is the next William Hung? Jesus. What you mean is, how do we raise the bar from retarded Asian dude? Using actual crazy people. But that's not coming up for a while. It's so goddamned funny that we're going to tease you with the actually mentally ill throughout the rest of the episode and that's how we'll keep you watching for the whole two hours. Because we are kind of like Satan in that we hate you and your soul.

Meet Marlea Stroman, 21, an absolutely gorgeous proud single mom, who gained the courage to audition from Fantasia Barrino, who's proudly from Syracuse. She looks and prouds around kind of like Yaya, but is not disgusting. She sings some kind of Bonnie Raitt song about her daughter running away and I like her voice. They cut her off early because it's not funny, it's just awesome, and Randy makes a lot of approving noises that aren't so much talking like you and I do in our daily lives. Mark points out that her high register is strong and "lithenable." I don't know why he says it like this but it's my job to tell you that he does. The judges are unanimous, and even offer helpful notes for the next round, Simon saying that voice notwithstanding, her performing could stand to be livened up (true), and Ryan saying that she could do with some more contemporary song choices (also true). Then she goes outside without repeating the word "proud" and is met by the entire gay population of Syracuse, NY, who scream their little asses off like a whole Matrix of Rickie Vasquez.

1 comment:

J.Po said...

Yesterday evening, I was lamenting the fact that the work week was about to begin. Then I thought to myself, 'but when the week begins, I am one day closer to the next episode of American Idol.' I love that stuff. Good solid music television. My hope this year: more Fantasia, less Diana DeCrapyCrap.